Illusions.....

Love is just an illusion, Love is filled with pain.
What I had is now gone, I have nothing left to gain.

I feel I am unworthy, like a sacrificial lamb.
I gave all that I had, gave everything I am.

But it seems I am not worth loving, like a jacket left unworn.
When I gave my love to you, my heart was being torn.

My life is left in shambles, in a twisted rolling wake.
I feel empty and unwanted, my heart begins to break.

All I wanted was for you to love me, was it too much for me to ask?
Inside I feel I'm dying, I wear my smile like a mask.

No affection, no touch or single word, of adoration or of love.
I am ignored, cast off and pushed away just something disposed of.

I guess no one has ever really loved me, nor was my real true friend.
I now see my whole reality, the truth came out in the end.

(Undiscovered Soul)

Not enough.....

I see that I am not enough of a reason,
for you to make a change.
I see that our daughter is not enough of a reason,
for you to make a change.

Is this life, my devotion not good enough?
Is there not reason enough, to try to make a change?
Is my love not reason enough?
Not enough to make a change?

Why waste this beautiful life, this beautiful day...
Why ignore your daughter's love, my heart and soul...
I have said all the words there are left to say.
I am left to cry, my heart broken with a hole.

All you are doing is slowly killing you...
While I suffer, you are killing me too.

I have tried my best to give you what you lacked all those years,
A happy home, a loving family, the material things....
Telling you that I love you, adore you, through my tears
But it is never enough, happiness it never brings

All for a drink, a bit of fun, an attempt to numb...

All you are doing is slowly killing you...
While I suffer, you are killing me too.

(Undiscovered Soul)

Dreams and reality...

I dreamt of a loving spouse and picket fence
A happy life in the future sense.
What I got was not in my dream,
I want to wake up, so I scream and scream.

He drinks to forget, to unwind, to go numb
I love him too much that I can not run
So I cry each night in sorrow in pain,
My tears falling down like a constant rain.

My heart breaks for what could be, could have been,
I could never imagine my life without being with him
His past is filled with sorrow and  abandonment,
The pain he feels I can not prevent.

We all have scars from our past,
from falling when we ran too fast.
All we can do is take what we can,
Learn and grow then start again.

I wish I could heal his wounds that run deep,
I pray for help when he's fast asleep,
I cry and plead, but it's all the same
He has hidden stories, filled with pain.

He drinks to escape, forget and to hide,
All the Pain, sorrow and hurt inside.
My heart breaks for his, I wish I could take it all away
So I say a prayer and make a wish, hoping for another day.

(Undiscovered Soul)

Living Nightmare...

I try to live a peaceful life,
but it constantly fills with sadness and strife.
I walk three steps forward just to find,
that I am still two steps behind.

Seems others hate me, love making trouble for me
I just want to live, just want to be free.
First it was the yard and then it was the fence
None of this trouble makes any sense.

I did not start it, did not want it,
I did not ask for this, not one bit.
Was minding my business, just living my life,
Then she came at me with a double edged knife.

Seems trouble is always following me,
like I'm jinxed and doomed to the third degree.
Finish with one problem, one drama filled day,
I find peace for one minute and then it flies far away.

I know I'm not perfect, not beautiful or smart,
but I try to live a love filled life with my broken heart.
I never did anything to any of them,
but I am who they all condemn.

If karma is real, then what they give me,
they get what they give to the power of three.

(Undiscovered Soul)

Cleansing...

Sage, sweetgrass, cedar, pine
bundled together, intertwine
Consumed by fire, released with smoke
my negativity vanish... with each word I spoke.
My home, my body, purify and cleanse
magnify the good with crystal gems.
Sadness, worry vanish fast
all that was, is now the past.
Negative people I push away,
I want to start a brand new day.
Moving forward with open heart
with happiness is my new start.

(Undiscovered Soul)

Nature, naturally...

Out in nature, naturally me
Finally happy, finally free
Free from the sadness and stress
Escape from my life, the mess
No problems, no bills
No expectations to fulfill

I can breathe, I can smile
I walk on mile... after mile
Bird's song, butterflies flutter
A tiny stream's little sputter

My eyes bright, my heart light...can this even be right?
Why can't life always be like this?
Why can't I stay happy like this?

Out in nature I am naturally me...
No more judgments, no one to see
If I am fat, skinny or tall
Out here it doesn't matter at all
Hatred and spite have no place
Out in nature this beautiful place

(Undiscovered Soul)

Roller Coasters.....

I am so tired of the ups and downs....
So tired of constant smiles and frowns.
Seems my emotions are running wild...
Like a spoiled rotten child.
I am honestly getting thoroughly tired....
This is nowhere near the life I desired.

One minute I am on cloud nine,
In the next sorrow is all mine.
Is like my mind is playing tricks on me,
I don't know which way to be.
Happy or sad.... mad or glad.

I can see the good in each day...
But seems the crap gets in the way.
Be it interference from others...
Or the sadness that smothers....
All the happiness and joy,
That I work so hard to employ.

It creeps up on me like a nightmare'
And threatens to steal all of my air.
Smother me slowly until I can not see
All the good that is right in front of me.

Wish I could shake it off for good,
Cast it away like I know I should.
It seems I am not strong enough...
I know its time to get tough.
Overcome the negative....
Replace it with the positive.

Fight with all my might until I get it right.

(Undiscovered Soul)

I've Tried...

I have tried to wear a happy face, to be strong
I have tried to please others, to fit in, to belong
It seems my energy was wasted, all my efforts derail
No matter how hard I try, it seems I am destined to fail
I change how I look, it works a short time
Then I give up and revert, seems failure's all mine

The pain cuts me like a knife
I've felt this pain my entire life
To try and try, to only fail
Over and over to no avail

To watch the world all having fun
It spins by in a constant run
I've never been welcomed, never fit in
I like to pretend that I have thick skin
But the truth remains it hurts to be I am
I feel like I am cursed, a sacrificial lamb

I try to be true to the real me
But that is not who you want me to be
Because to be that I am unloved and unwanted
You walk away completely undaunted
You do not care about the pain that I feel
Because to you my feelings are not real

You say I am over sensitive, to get stronger
But I do not feel I can hold on much longer
All I want is a good friend or two
Someone who is honest and true
Maybe no one will like me for me
Maybe my happiness was not meant to be

(Undiscovered Soul)

On my walk.....

Many more times than not I am a lone wolf destined to wander alone.
I have my small pack but still most the time I am solo, rejected,
destined to be alone.

No phone calls, no visits, no emails..... A quick visit to never be heard from again.
Like I am an infectious poison to most.
Maybe I talk too much, come off self absorbed, selfish or worse.
I am socially awkward, inept and inexperienced.
I know I am no ones first pick and sometimes no ones last.

No wedding proposals, proms or dances... No romantic gestures of any kind,
barely a sweet word muttered. No compliments. No birthday cards, no presents,
no invitations.... no nothing.

As if a sign resides on my chest for all to see that kinds words,
gestures of love or friendship are not needed or wanted...
as if I am a heartless cold soul.

I guess I only fulfill a purpose and nothing else,
that I get and deserve nothing in return.

(Undiscovered Soul)

The Goldfish Bowl...

In a goldfish bowl, watching the world spin by

Un-noticed and unheard,  the tears that I cry

Smiling faces and laughter are not of my own,

For this small goldfish bowl is my only home.

 Prisoner, outcast, solitarily confined

The acceptance I felt was only in my mind.

(undiscovered Soul)

The Little Bird...

A little bird told me, that you no longer care,

that the love you felt, is no longer there.

When I look in your eyes, I see the pain in your heart,

the sadness…. the sadness tears you apart.

Well it’s time my dear, to bring the joy back once more

Forget the past, just walk through that old door

For the love you seek, it never went very far

You can find it again, with the first morning’s star

When we cloud our dreams, and darken our minds

The web of our lives, all too quickly unwinds

You have only one life, today’s your one chance

Fill your heart with joy, let love make you dance

The love I have for you, is an unbreakable bond

It can reach to the stars and even further beyond

So just take my hand, I will journey with you

I’ll stay by your side, what are you going to do

Life is a special gift, wont you start with today

I am here for you, I promise I wont stray

Let the healing begin, complete from head to toe

Once you open your heart, you have so far you can go

(Undiscovered Soul)

The Gift...

I live by the motto, to give you shall receive;

But that very motto, was what you misconceive.

To give freely does not permit,

the giver to demand, to hate or spit

viscous lies, slander and hate

 a way for you to minipulate

You used your given gift as a hidden tool

To play me as a puppet, to obey your every rule

When I stayed true to my very design

Proved to you that I still had my spine

You again picked up your gift to me

and collected your refund fee

by back bites, and back-stabs as well

you wear your two faced mask quite well

Full of antagonism, hostility and hate

A dejected lonely life may be your fate

You preached compassion, kindness and love

but those are what your devoid of

with one hand you gave me a gift

with the other you hit me quite swift

(Undiscovered Soul)