Roller Coasters.....

I am so tired of the ups and downs....
So tired of constant smiles and frowns.
Seems my emotions are running wild...
Like a spoiled rotten child.
I am honestly getting thoroughly tired....
This is nowhere near the life I desired.

One minute I am on cloud nine,
In the next sorrow is all mine.
Is like my mind is playing tricks on me,
I don't know which way to be.
Happy or sad.... mad or glad.

I can see the good in each day...
But seems the crap gets in the way.
Be it interference from others...
Or the sadness that smothers....
All the happiness and joy,
That I work so hard to employ.

It creeps up on me like a nightmare'
And threatens to steal all of my air.
Smother me slowly until I can not see
All the good that is right in front of me.

Wish I could shake it off for good,
Cast it away like I know I should.
It seems I am not strong enough...
I know its time to get tough.
Overcome the negative....
Replace it with the positive.

Fight with all my might until I get it right.

(Undiscovered Soul)

I've Tried...

I have tried to wear a happy face, to be strong
I have tried to please others, to fit in, to belong
It seems my energy was wasted, all my efforts derail
No matter how hard I try, it seems I am destined to fail
I change how I look, it works a short time
Then I give up and revert, seems failure's all mine

The pain cuts me like a knife
I've felt this pain my entire life
To try and try, to only fail
Over and over to no avail

To watch the world all having fun
It spins by in a constant run
I've never been welcomed, never fit in
I like to pretend that I have thick skin
But the truth remains it hurts to be I am
I feel like I am cursed, a sacrificial lamb

I try to be true to the real me
But that is not who you want me to be
Because to be that I am unloved and unwanted
You walk away completely undaunted
You do not care about the pain that I feel
Because to you my feelings are not real

You say I am over sensitive, to get stronger
But I do not feel I can hold on much longer
All I want is a good friend or two
Someone who is honest and true
Maybe no one will like me for me
Maybe my happiness was not meant to be

(Undiscovered Soul)

On my walk.....

Many more times than not I am a lone wolf destined to wander alone.
I have my small pack but still most the time I am solo, rejected,
destined to be alone.

No phone calls, no visits, no emails..... A quick visit to never be heard from again.
Like I am an infectious poison to most.
Maybe I talk too much, come off self absorbed, selfish or worse.
I am socially awkward, inept and inexperienced.
I know I am no ones first pick and sometimes no ones last.

No wedding proposals, proms or dances... No romantic gestures of any kind,
barely a sweet word muttered. No compliments. No birthday cards, no presents,
no invitations.... no nothing.

As if a sign resides on my chest for all to see that kinds words,
gestures of love or friendship are not needed or wanted...
as if I am a heartless cold soul.

I guess I only fulfill a purpose and nothing else,
that I get and deserve nothing in return.

(Undiscovered Soul)

The Goldfish Bowl...

In a goldfish bowl, watching the world spin by

Un-noticed and unheard,  the tears that I cry

Smiling faces and laughter are not of my own,

For this small goldfish bowl is my only home.

 Prisoner, outcast, solitarily confined

The acceptance I felt was only in my mind.

(undiscovered Soul)

The Little Bird...

A little bird told me, that you no longer care,

that the love you felt, is no longer there.

When I look in your eyes, I see the pain in your heart,

the sadness…. the sadness tears you apart.

Well it’s time my dear, to bring the joy back once more

Forget the past, just walk through that old door

For the love you seek, it never went very far

You can find it again, with the first morning’s star

When we cloud our dreams, and darken our minds

The web of our lives, all too quickly unwinds

You have only one life, today’s your one chance

Fill your heart with joy, let love make you dance

The love I have for you, is an unbreakable bond

It can reach to the stars and even further beyond

So just take my hand, I will journey with you

I’ll stay by your side, what are you going to do

Life is a special gift, wont you start with today

I am here for you, I promise I wont stray

Let the healing begin, complete from head to toe

Once you open your heart, you have so far you can go

(Undiscovered Soul)

The Gift...

I live by the motto, to give you shall receive;

But that very motto, was what you misconceive.

To give freely does not permit,

the giver to demand, to hate or spit

viscous lies, slander and hate

 a way for you to minipulate

You used your given gift as a hidden tool

To play me as a puppet, to obey your every rule

When I stayed true to my very design

Proved to you that I still had my spine

You again picked up your gift to me

and collected your refund fee

by back bites, and back-stabs as well

you wear your two faced mask quite well

Full of antagonism, hostility and hate

A dejected lonely life may be your fate

You preached compassion, kindness and love

but those are what your devoid of

with one hand you gave me a gift

with the other you hit me quite swift

(Undiscovered Soul)

My book...

Do not judge my book, by the stories of which were told;

The pages were left untouched, only lies were what was sold.

Do not judge my book by it's cover, the pages left un-turned;

The treasures sit undiscovered, the truth remains un-learned.

For there is more to me, than what can be taken at face value;

There is far more to me, than what tall tales can misconstrue.


(Undiscovered Soul)

You said....

You said that you loved me, that you'd always be there
You said that you'd do anything, you said that you care
But the tide has turned, threat to wash out to sea
All that we built, all that was you and was me
My soul dies inside with each breath that I take
A piece withers away, my poor heart it does break
So I lay on my side, and swallow my fate
As I feel the tide turn, your love into hate

(Undiscovered Soul)

Fun House Mirrors...

All through your life
was struggle and strife
Deep down inside
the truth did not hide
You felt alone and jaded
sometimes judged and hated
Your self esteem was quite low
but you did not allow it to show
your life under constant dissection
your pain needed direction
when you found a pure being
who's life was clean and gleaming
 rising above their own strife
and still enjoy a happy life
so your pain did compound
with their joyful happiness around
you attacked without a care
your pain was yours to share
to point the blame onto others
 your hate and pain it smothers
removing the happiness and joy
any tactic you employ
to make others look bad
do to them what others had
done to you for many years
your hands are stained with their tears
for you find joy in their suffering
their happiness you're coveting
through their pain you find happiness
you find joy in their distress
you live your life unforgiving
but you'll get back what your giving.

(Undiscovered Soul)

Truth and lies....

The truth has come out,
Spit like venom….
 from your mouth
Putrid acid…
 of your words
Echo in my head……
 like sharp swords
Slashed away all.…..
 that was built
You want me pained……
 filled with guilt
My heart destroyed….
 filled with bile
Played as a pawn…
 all the while
You’re the master…
 pulled my strings
Made me your puppet…
 of all things
A sacrifice…
 for your cause
To break free….
 from your bars
 You spin lies….
And deceit
But watch your hands…
And your feet
For both are dirty….
And impure
Now covered…
In your own manure
For we get ….
What we give
And we spread....
 how we live

(Undiscovered Soul)

No One But Me....

No one but me, knows just how it feels
To walk through this life, Like a fish wearing heels
I feel out of place, so completely alone
Unworthy of love, as if the sun never shone.

Seems life is a waste, like some sort of joke
I'm ignored and unwanted, feeling like Carney folk.
My feelings are like phantoms, unnoticed, unseen
I'm treated like garbage, as if an unfeeling machine

My heart just keeps dying, each chance the I give
This life is a hell, that I don't want to re-live.
Do unto others, as they'll do to you
but not once in my life, has this ever been true

(Undiscovered Soul)

Changes....

Some things are weighing heavy on my mind, realizing some things never change...
I am just a lowly soul rolling with the tide, wishing I could drift out to sea.

 (Undiscovered Soul)



Things are still weighing heavy on my mind, I now know I must deal with and accept my past for what it was (found truth within the lies, found lies within the truth)
Furthermore I must find peace and comfort in my present so that the future may one day come.

(Undiscovered Soul)

And so it begins:

Since in yet another area of my life I have little to no privacy yet another place where opinionated and cynical individuals need to poison my life, I've decided to create yet another blog, more private this time. I will have to invite people to read it, which is a good thing.